well now i need some change. i do not feel like im necessarily advancing my life anymore in Newport (or in RI), and I have slipped into a mild depression. the depression is only sporadic, but when it hits, i feel a sense of panic. So the question is what can i do to re-focus my life, establish goals, and put some direction into my life. at the moment im considering a move to Providence, which would only be temporary. I know that I will need a change out of RI, but I have found a girlfriend that i want to hold on to and hope that I can establish a long term relationship with. So what do i do... wait to see what direction she wants to go? break up with her and make a change w/o her? move to NY and see how life goes there? The answer is unclear, but i feel like moving back to CA will indeed make me happier, but not necessarily satisfy my mild depression... maybe it would only be a temporary fix until i get my life going in the proper direction. so before i make the decision to move back, i feel like i need to do the best i can out here to put my life back onto a happy, productive, satisfying path. ive already signed up to volunteer at a hospital to gain experience in the medial world. unfortunately that does not start until Nov. I feel the need to change my living situation, as i feel depressed as soon as I get home (only on days when I have no plans) and shut the door.

go with the flow.

hmmm... think think think. time is on my side, but i should be more proactive.

coffee

oh man, started drinking coffee. just what i needed. not.

au revoir

leaving for france tomorrow on my first international business trip. this is a big accomplishment for me b/c world travel was one of my primary goals when i swerved down this new career path. it is also a big reason why i wanted to work for this company in the first place.

last november i was sitting at the bar (rock bottom la jolla) with duane, discussing how he had a friend that would travel the world and work on yachts. i updated my resume and had it sent out within a week. and now here i am, 9 months later, getting ready to travel to Antibes, France, on the company dime... which will include sailing in the mediterranean.

check.

back in RI

I went "home" to San Diego this past weekend. Although I really enjoyed my time there, I was surprisingly happy to return back to Newport. I am not sure why exactly this is, but I am sure it has to do with the fact that I have set up shop in Newport, and now it is my new "home." Another strange feeling I had when I was in SD was that I felt the same there as I did when I lived there... Although I have a ton of fun, I feel that I am not advancing my life. Basically I feel like I am just indulging in life w/o progressing my livelihood. I hang out with friends, socialize, play golf, do this,do that, but it is very unfocused. Its not that I am super focused in Newport either (I socialize like an M'Fer) but I feel that the new job allows me to channel and go down a new avenue of life. A feeling that I was missing in SD.

I'll be back in CA one day tho. permanently (most likely).

the meaning of life

i used to think that relationships were the "meaning of life" but now i think perhaps it could be the experiences. i do not mean the daily experiences, but the adventures and life changing experiences.

wish list

why am i so motivated at work to do bigger and greater things in my life, but then lose that motivation to act once i get home? is it because i am tired from a hard days work, or am i just imagining things i'd rather be doing besides working?

wish list - update:

• take EMT-Basic course - contacted two instruction centers in Prov. both courses start in early september, when my parents are coming out to visit. havent decided if i should enroll now, or wait til next semester. i hate to keep putting it off, but i need that time with the parents, who are flying across the country for the first time in their lives

• take a photography class - looked up potential courses offered in RI, found nothing as of yet, reading digital photography book that i borrowed from David

• travel to south africa - will happen during world cup 2010

• learn how to play the piano - looked at potential keyboards/pianos and emailed a music center

• get on a sailing crew
  

• plan "the trip"